A Genuinely Revelatory Incident in the Bar Restroom Line

Just before the festive season, I had an extraordinary incident. I feel it did me good. This occurred at a meeting of several mates, who are incidentally dental professionals, but it's not relevant. The assembled crowd were exclusively male, which turns out to be relevant.

A Strange Scenario

The establishment was a bar and eatery enjoying a roaring trade. A wasted daytime was enjoyed by everyone. Good cuisine, good beverages and remarkably amusing stories about dentistry. Naturally, the moment came for excursions to the men's room. Those who departed, I partially registered, looked to be away a considerable while. I didn't ponder why this might have been, but when it became my go, the mystery was solved.

Rounding the corner, and what awaited me but a lengthy line for the gentlemen’s toilet. An empty space for the female facilities, but a substantial line for the gents'. What bizarre turn was this? This was not a reality any of us in this line recognised.

A Sample of Common Reality

For the avoidance of doubt, I do not seek or anticipate sympathy from any female reader here. I am fully aware that, for ladies, needing to line up to use a restroom is the norm. Repeatedly have I witnessed women waiting in a line while men in the same establishment have to do nothing of the sort?

In addition to the hassle of standing in line to use a convenience, there’s a whiff of embarrassment about lingering there, waiting for something that men usually don’t have to wait for. It was decidedly bracing to get a taste of it myself, observing the opposite gender glide through the door while I was obliged to line up dutifully with others with my fellow fellas, angling away at something we had in our trouser pockets and scrolling through our phones.

The Practice of Toilet Queue Conversation

There’s a whole conversational genre here – lavatory line banter – of which men have scant experience. Females, I presume, have become adept to be fairly skilled at it, sharing small talk and an notable comment or two.

About this topic I’ve consulted some lady acquaintances of my knowledge. The consensus is that intra-queue communication is confined to the odd exasperated look and the utterance: “Screw this, I’m going to use the men’s.” A workmate informed me it’s merely at the hand-washing stations afterwards that conversation tends to start up.

Were I a lady, I’d refrain from on either pleasantries or quiet. If I was compelled, over and over, to stand in a common queue only for the opportunity to empty my bladder, I’d rant angrily like crazy at the pure unfairness of it. A handy measure for any modern culture would be gender parity in wee lining-up periods. I’m looking for research on this.

Male Interaction in the Queue

During my time in my wait, I tried to spark some friendly chat started about this novel state of affairs of ours. I tutted a bit, gave a weary look and said something along the lines of: “So, this represents an irksome variation, right boys?”

One person smiled, a second looked blank, a third individual appeared embarrassed. Another shook his head as if this was a further symptom of a failing society, cultural decline etc. Aside from that, quiet prevailed. An individual emerged, zipping up. The group moved forward a spot. A couple more men entered the back of it. I exhaled.

An Unspoken Interaction

A woman wafted out of the adjacent facility, all fresh and at ease. It was perfectly okay for some. I smiled apologetically at her, trying to express acknowledgement of this reversed state of affairs. Her response was: “Don't turn to me for solidarity, you blighter. Return when you’ve done this another hundred times and only then I could give you the time of day.”

In reality, she didn’t say that. She uttered nothing. But I am convinced that’s what she was thinking. And I really could not censure her.