How to Speak Dating Like a Zoomer: Fifty-One Niche Phrases for Love, Intimacy and Bad Behaviour

The current year signifies a full decade since the word “ghosting” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently unsuccessful pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a widespread attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to talk about love, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's response is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who opt out of having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal traits suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely benign quirks. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {